oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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