If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
