just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
