In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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