I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
