When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
