Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
