Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
