Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
