I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
