you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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