so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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