Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
