I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How's work?
Spinning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
