The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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