Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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