why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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