they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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