I haven't been this sober since birth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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