8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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