i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
