I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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