Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
being pregnant is like rehab
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
