i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no, he came in my armpit
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Please don't give away my fajitas
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