Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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