im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
