Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
