she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
