I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
