My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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