The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
