i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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