There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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