just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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