Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
