I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
