her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
