one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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