i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
