my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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