i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
