ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
