I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
