all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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