Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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