So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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