i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you didnt know i had herpes?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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