you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
