Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
