Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
