so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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